This is too big to fit me. It’s too huge to look believable. It’s getting uncomfortable. It’s adding restrictions. The weight is becoming unbearable. People have started to make fun of me. I can hear them but I can’t take it off. May be I should have kept it in the closet. May be I shouldn’t have shown people my one prized possession. But then, this is the only thing I have of mine that is worthy of flaunting. I can’t leave my home without it.
I will feel naked without it. I will be ‘normal’ without it, and that word doesn’t excite me anymore. I am not stupid, I understand that this is a dozen size bigger for me. It will take a lifetime for me to fit into this, but I am not in a rush. I grew an inch last month, I am sure I ll grow a couple more before the year ends. As long as the distance between us keeps decreasing its all good right?
People ask me why I chose it in the first place. Why didn’t I just go for a size that would ‘fit’. I am not sure how to explain this to them. But, I didn’t choose it. It chose me. I found it lying somewhere when a lot of people had probably tried it on and rejected it for its huge size. But as soon as I tried it on my brain gave up on logic. I was lost, in the feel of the cloth, the colour, the shiny buttons, while it consumed me. Everything else after that appeared so dull, so pointless. This is intense, I can’t focus on anything else now. Relationships are growing distant, friendships are harder to maintain. They tell me I ll stumble and fall. Hah! They don’t know I had been falling every day without it too.
These dreams we pick up as kids are shiny and overpowering and so very exciting. But when the ‘reality’ sets in and they tell us it’s too big for us, that this isn’t the life we truly desire, then often I see people switching to something that fits better. Yet, there are certain stubborn individuals that do not want to let go of these huge shirts. They either work hard to fit themselves in it or learn to style it like one of those oversized dresses. But they won’t abandon it or put it back in the closet. Yes, big dreams are intimidating for everybody but there are some who choose to fight.
I guess I wrote this to request people to stop discouraging dreamers. And if you are a dreamer, then fight. I am fighting too.