Imagine you go to the doctor and tell him u have blocked nose, and the doctor prescribes a dozen of medicines without even taking your temperature or examining your nose, would you take those medicines?
Yesterday I was writing a post on a completely different topic when I got a whatsaap text from an old friend. It said, ‘aisa hi attitude raha na toh kabhi dost nai banenge Aashu’. Translation, ‘If you continue with this attitude you won’t be able to make a lot of friends Aashu’. And I stared laughing, and I laughed for a complete minute. I stopped writing, I shut my laptop and went for a walk, because this gave me a lot to think about.
A week ago he had texted me a screen shot of a photograph of mine with a borderline offensive joke about my ass. This text reached me in a wrong frame of mind and I chose to ignore it until I was in a better mood, although I ended up forgetting about replying completely. And so came the brutal advisory. We misunderstood each other, which is fine, it can happen to anybody. What I want to talk about is this insistent need we have to cure people.
This need to judge people with whatever little information we have and think that we could heal them. I am not going to lie, I too am guilty of doing this sometimes. I call it the ‘Judgy Doctor’ syndrome. And I am sure you have been on both sides of these situations more than you would like to admit.
Fact be told we would never be able to completely understand what the other person’s life is all about. No matter how close we think we are to them, until we have mind reading abilities, we would never be able to guess what is going on in their minds. Therefore when we offer advises to people without listening to what they are going through we are basically prescribing a cure without examining our patient. And that could cause some serious side effects.
Vice versa, I cannot remember the number of times I wanted to smack someone’s face when they utter those three special words, ‘You look tired’. I am very disappointed that language has evolved from ‘how are you?’ to ‘you look like you had much sleep last night’. Why is your judgement of my night the conversation starter? May be I spent the whole night binge watching Doctor Who episodes, and maybe I am proud of those puffy sore red eyes! But now you made me uncomfortable and I want to run to the closest mirror to retouch my makeup!
Somebody offering us unsolicited advises without attempting to listen to us, make us feel worse than we actually felt. We feel frustrated about people not listening to us. We feel burdened with advises that does not necessarily apply to our situation. And if we do not follow those advises they make us feel like we are choosing to suffer. On the whole we find ourselves distancing from the very person who is trying to help.
Taking or selling pills without prescription are both illegal and can damage your body. Be careful!